Gabe hung out for the first half of GOLGOLFA this week, which obviously we appreciated fully - frankly, he stayed a bit later than we even had him for technically. He wasn't able to check out Speed Golf with Gary and I, and he explained why on the stream I've linked above plus today's comic. I expected to hate it - and I still don't think it has a lot of virtue against AI opponents - but against people? Those dynamics are pretty great, actually. I've played it since, and done alright, but what's interesting to me is that the people who found the best success in the rounds I played were those who chilled out and just tried to sneak through and take their time. People who were playing Slow Golf routinely found success against those playing the Speed version. All the traditional machinery is there and it matters a lot, even in the new context. It's cool.

This isn't an affiliate link or anything, I think it's just the best example of what I'm talking about: Gundam Converge is a line of super-deformed Gundam models that are small and cute. They're collectible figurines essentially, impulse buys, which is strongly reinforced by the fact that they include literal candy in the box.

Relationship stuff hasn't stopped him from enjoying Scarlet Nexus at all, when it ordinarily would, I think because it's all tied back into the fast, interesting combat. I watched streams of it for a while, long enough to see it was way cooler than I expected, but I can't do a JRPG right now. Even if it's really cool and the story is good. Well, maybe I can. Let me see if it's on Steam. It is! But it's sixty bucks. Maybe we'd get a strip out of it? I guess we already did. Now, I'm making money by not buying it. Welcome to "Jerry's Mind" Theatre. There are no refunds.

We've been obsessed with T-Pain for a really, really long time.  He's just… legitimate.  I was having a great time with Epiphany literally from the moment he spelled and then defined the word in the first track, a practice I'd like to become an industry standard.  But once I got to Time Machine, near the end of the record, that's when I got it.  I could see the whole structure.  And then, to have the new Netflix docuseries This Is Pop break it down further on the second episode - with actual shots of him burrowing through pirated software to recreate and then master a sound he'd heard…  I've seen it.  I watched Mike enter this same monastic funnel to figure out his thing.  I remember when people were super surprised at his Tiny Desk concert, like, He Can Sing? When it's like…  look.  First of all, that's most of the people you listen to.  Most of the time when people use Auto-Tune, you don't fucking know.  Second, I don't think you get to the style he pioneered without that ability, the same way cartooning is rooted in an understanding of actual anatomy.           

I know that Mike is playing Dark Alliance over on the PS5, and instantiating cats. I downloaded it on PC through Game Pass, which unfortunately doesn't have crossplay with Playstation like it does with the Xbox version. I'm playing as Catti-brie and the archery is a little weird, plus it always sorta feels like I'm walking through knee-high maple syrup. That's not really a review but it's what I know so far.

I played the first Dark Alliance games approximately one billion years ago on the Xbox; I recall very specifically that I played the second one on my computer monitor, because it was a co-op game and computer desks aren't really set up to have a second person at them so it was kind of a pain in the ass. I had Neoya's X2VGA adapter and, like, multimonitor switchbox and shit. It was nice to have a full res picture but the main reason it was in there was because Crimson Skies was always saying that this person or that person Had The Booty, over and over, and Brenna decided that hearing this phrase with such frequency had not improved her life.

The dynamics of my relationship with USA Gundam Store are exactly like ordinary relationship dynamics. I literally get pics. I signed up for it, I'm not mad and I can get out whenever I want, but there's a level of increasingly cyberpunk intensity when I'm getting texts, and mails, and these texts and mails are informing the ads I see on literally every website.

As PAX returns to real life venues I want to announce that I am actually retiring from real life venues. That is to say, I’m no longer going to be attending the US shows. It’s possible you might see me with my family at some future PAX but every show every year is just no longer doable for me. Like a lot of people the recent life pause has given me some perspective and I’m changing my routine coming out of this pandemic. 

After a couple weeks off I am back in the driver’s seat tonight for another Penny Arcade League race! We are all heading to Watkins Glen for a multi class race that will once again see me driving the slowest car on the track, the Mazda MX-5. There will also be more Stream Racer shenanigans this evening before and after the show. No need to download anything, just login and type !boost in the chat to give your car the goose juice! 

As a spectacle, as a meticulously engineered media experience lensed through the twin magnifications of IMAX and 3D, James Cameron's Avatar is absolutely - I am confident in saying this - a film. It didn't really stick with me. I was at Disney World a couple years back, and they had a whole fuckin' Avatar, like… zone, and I was surprised. Like The Matrix, I think it provided a tool to get at some existential concepts a youth informed William Gibson had already formatted me for.  Ubisoft is now doing a second Avatar game - oh? You don't remember the first? I'm not a hundred percent sure what we're supposed to glean from the trailer, other than the idea that butterfly lizards apparently beat attack helicopters in whatever enigmatic version of Rock Paper Scissors they play in the future. The best we can hope for at this point is Appa DLC.

Loki is like Wandavision in that it's a kind of puzzle, which is the sort of show I like best. It's also the most optimized use of Disney+ as a platform, because now the hook is set and I sorta have to stick around to find out what this shit is about now. I go hog-ass fucking wild for a Primer, or a Memento. Or even a regular Mento. I should buy some Mentos.

I genuinely don't know a lot about He-Man, although my friend Damon had a Battle Armor He-Man whose inner workings perpetually mystified me. You could strike the breastplate, and every time it would reveal a progressively more damaged version until it was perfect again. What a terrifying foe. Strike your enemy dead in the chest three times to… perfect him? I'm not fucking fighting this guy. That explains the raft of robots, weird snake guys, and bipedal insects he's has to contend with. He's almost certainly murdered everyone else, except for the one guy whose face is already a skull.

The main thing you have to know about streaming platforms is that their dynamics are such that it's too rich for Microsoft's blood. Microsoft. After squeezing to the tune of millions and millions of dollars, they determined that the volume and quality of the juice hadn't been worth it. Which is too bad, because it was… kinda good. The latency was really low; it felt like you could have real conversations with chat almost. It had a built-in studio you could use to manufacture cool interactions for your channel.

You mighta seen the story - maybe you didn't? I don't feel like we've exaggerated the arc really in any way. This is more or less what happened! They definitely activated social; I bet shares were through the roof. I suspect that sometimes, very rarely, there is a such a thing as bad press.

I would say that a weird amount of the games I get truly obsessed with come from Scandinavian countries. Or, Nordic countries. Either the usage changed, or it's regional in nature. In any case, I trust in their intrepid spirit and proven capacity to get my Vacuum Battle Royale game off the ground. Get in touch. And I know you're wondering - Vacuum Battle Royale? How would that work? Here's the secret: the carpets are dirtier than usual.  And the house is very large.

The strip is a response to a tweet from renowned tennis person Naomi Osaka. I don't really follow the sport; I'm more of a ping-pong or pickleball man myself, pickleball being the twisted hybrid of the other two. Anyway, the tweet: